Has this ever happened to you? You take a nap and tell your husband to wake you up in an hour. Two hours and 45 minutes later he comes in saying he ended up taking a nap too and overslept and now you are going to be late to church. Maybe not but that was me yesterday. What proceeded was my own fault. I almost had a meltdown as I tried to figure out what I was going to wear and in rush panic mode I almost puddled into hysteria. I absolutely hate the feeling of running late and wearing something you don’t really like and feeling self-conscious the whole time you are out. As vain as this sounds, don’t tell me I am alone in this.
As I stood there in front of my closet (well most of it was behind me on the floor) trying to stay composed, I kept hearing the word “confidence” zoom through my brain. Maybe that was a dumb word to pick because I sure wasn’t acting like a daughter of Sarah with a gentle and quiet spirit who cares less about what’s on the outside and more about what’s on the inside.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to look put together and feel good about myself. But so much of my mental energy can be spent on this- worrying about imperfections of mine- phantom or not. And none of that good feeling I seek is based on much of anything except emotion- and emotion is “tricksy” (said in a Gollum voice). Ultimately all of this becomes self reliance which we all know ends badly.
Needless to say we made it to church and all was well. And as I sat there, I was hit again with the right understanding of the confidence that I need to fill my mind with. While the preacher was preaching he talked about the confidence we have to approach the throne of God. This is not a confidence based on our abilities, our looks, our brains, our spirituality, our anything but the blood of Jesus that covers our sins. This enables us to approach an infinitely holy God and have intimate communion with Him.
So when I have weak moments like I did yesterday, when I am very tempted to be overly concerned with my outward appearance, I want to remind myself to look to Jesus- the one who has enabled me to approach the throne of God with perfect confidence. And when I look at Jesus, there is a tendency for the things of this earth to grow strangely dim.